Tag Archives: reflection

One out of sync, all out of sync

9 Aug

I woke up one morning last week out of a dream I don’t remember, but my immediate thought was, “what is my assignment today?”. That simple question reconfigured my entire stance to the day. Not as if I was going to be told what to do but more with a sense of openness and fascination about the possibility of the day… in fact, it opened up the possibility inherent in me, and created an energy and fascination about how things, no how I would unfold within the magic of the day.

And it dawned on me how I have been out of sync at work, and how that resistance I had there (too detailed to go into here) was infecting everything else in my life: relationships, creativity, passion, writing, music, physical engagement and on and on. I have since poured myself into work and counter intuitively have since opened up the channels, gates, electric conduits in so many other areas of my life. Wow.

This isn’t new. I’ve “known” this all along but had never really “understood” it at a cosmically visceral level. So, there it is, this energy and passion that never went away but had been buried in frustration.

Unleashed now, things are moving, things are opening up. I’m engaged, I’m together, I’m being, just being. A good thing I’d say.

the tao of tracyshaun

28 Oct

… in which tracyshaun reflects on being a songwriter, poet, performer, etc. …

a typical view on my walks along Corte Madera Creek

It’s mid-October here in northern California. I write this from my little studio set-up in a small downstairs room in an old house in Marin County. It’s close enough to Corte Madera Creek that I get to walk along its banks with my dog and watch the movements of the tides from day to day. Mt. Tamalpais keeps watch over Ross Valley.

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26 Oct

I am not a secular man, but in moments of crisis I turn to agnosticism for the comfort it gives in freeing me from superstition.

Charles Bernstein

reflections on burning man

15 Sep

re-integration into the default world

ancestors awake!

Day 3 of being back and I’m having a serious come-down with the Burning Man buzz starting to fade… and seeing the awfully rickety way my current world is unfolding. I want to continue with this openness and excitement but the weight of the world and my responsibilities are getting to me. I even had second thoughts last night about some of the pictures I uploaded because they fall outside of the “acceptable” behavior model of a “professional” in the “working world”. Even before Burning Man, I wasn’t thinking much of that and most times not concerning myself too much with how I would be perceived in the business world. But, now, with my company in a tenuous position and the prospect of looking for new work looming, I’m battling myself in how I should be presenting myself to the world. Yet, in Black Rock City, my presentation was always uniquely me and uniquely wonderful, exactly right… accepting by all (radical inclusion). I get down and feel real sad about my second-guessing and self-imposed limitations.

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seeing the patterns & doing the same

22 Aug 2010-11-18_1290117304

If I can see the patterns of my life emerge in front and around me, why isn’t there the action to do differently? I had so much momentum in my creative and personal work a couple of months ago, though now it’s been stifled and I’m doing the same old things the same old way. The only difference now is that I can see the patterns clearly.

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individual integrity within a group

6 Aug game 4, 2010 world series

It’s an interesting question about how to maintain my individual integrity within the context of a larger group. How do I keep my own sense of self while keeping commitments to a group of people I’m working with?

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who are you doing it for?

22 Jul 2010-12-12_1292177654

Every once in a while, I get hit with a big and sudden loss-of-confidence in myself. Most of the times, this originates in questioning what I’m doing, why I’m doing and most importantly who I’m doing it for. I’ve come across this enough times to see a pattern in myself:

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getting outside yourself

16 Jul 2010-11-24_1290636219

When it comes down to it, who has more of a hold on your life… you or the world?

Taking risks are a great way to push yourself beyond what you think you can do and a way to achieve more than you thought was possible. Chances are, though, that the risks you take are actually pretty safe. If you’re like me, there’s a lot at stake on whether or not you succeed. It baffles me, though there are people who don’t put their entire self-worth into “winning”.

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momentum in speech

12 Jul 2010-11-24_1290560609

There’s no better way to create momentum in your life than to do what you say your going to do. Even for the little things, when you tell someone that you’re going to do it and come through and actually do it, you get energized, you build trust, you create a sense of accomplishment and self-confidence.

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getting from point a to point b

10 Jul 2010-12-27_1293467387

Going places. And getting from you are to where you want to be. Or looking back at where you came from to where you are now. Funny how one bit of information in life leads to another, and how paying attention to its essence opens up other possibilities.

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